Sinfonia da Vita, Op. 1
Saturday, April 19, 2008
 
One of my friends wrote and posted a Facebook note:


Quick Guide to Mat-Minah Grammar
By Erwin Shah

So I’m not a fan of writing in notes but this one has got to be a must-post note. The title speaks for itself. So here’s the deal to mat-minah grammar. By the way if you didn’t know, you’ll have to pronounce Mat similar to ‘Mud’ and not like a floor mat.

Gua [goo-wah] noun – What some mats and minahs use to call themselves. Similar in using ‘lu’ when referring to others. A legacy that dates back to the times of Mat Rocks back in the early 80s.

A common trick that can be played on Mats is to ask them to translate the English phrase ‘Monkey Cave’ into Malay. The mat will then say ‘Gua Monyet’ (I’m a monkey). Yes, they just love doing it over and over again.

Mat [mat] noun – To the rest of the world, the word simply means a Malay guy. But within the Malay community itself there is a growing disparity in consensus to its actual meaning. Popularly, it’s used to denote a guy who converses primarily in Malay, as opposed to the more ‘English speaking’ types. Favourites of the mats include tapered jeans, trucker caps and weepy Malay songs with sickeningly suicidal lyrics.

Matrep [mat-rape] noun – An extreme version of the mat. In addition to the usual mat accessories, a matrep will also come adorned with tattoos and matching body-piercings in weird corners of his body.

Minah [mee-nah] noun – An expression used to denote a Malay female. Derived from the popular Malay name, Aminah, which used to be all the rage some time ago. It was sort of the ‘in-thing’ to name your daughter Aminah back in the 60s and 70s. In fact, legend has it that if you go to Geylang Serai market and shout ‘Hai Minah!’ at least a quarter of the makcik population there is going to turn around and smile at you.

Picit [pee-chet] adjective – When a mat tells you to ‘picit’ him, it does not mean that he is trying to be cheeky (or gay, if he is talking to a fellow mat). It simply means that the mat wants you to call him on his mobile. I swear to you I had no idea what it meant the first time I heard it.
Relaksuah [ree-lek-soo-wah] adjective – Official slogan and life motto of the mats and minahs. It’s as good as Take a Chill Pill.

Sial [see- yal ] noun / adjective – A full stop in every mat’s sentence. Eg: ‘Tadi aku nampak accident sial Rabak sial Aku tak bedek sial Kesian sial’ Translation: Just now I saw an accident (full stop) It was bad (full stop) I’m not kidding (full stop) Poor guy (full stop)

In its purest form, ‘sial’ means ‘jinx’ but mats have refined the art of using the word to include it at the end of their every sentence. Also comes in the more polite form ‘siak’ and ‘siul’ for those who do not want to sound too crude.

Skank [s-kank] adjective - A favourite weird-looking dance performed by mats and minahs. Usually done at any of the various gigs that mats and minahs love to congregate at. At times, you do detect evidence of artistry in the dance but most of the time they just look like they’ve been possessed by the ghost of a restless retard.

Sowie [soh-wee] adjective – An expression of apology used by minahs. Commonly used in SMS and instant messaging. Actually they can just use the word ‘sorry’ like every normal human being but minahs think that it will make them sound extra cute to deliberately talk that way. Example : ‘I will be late. Sowie!’

Step [se-tep] adjective – To beguile, dissimulate or impersonate something or someone that they are not. Also commonly used to describe a fellow mat or minah who acts in an arrogant manner. E.g.’Kau jangan nak step tak tahu eh?’ Translation: Don’t you dare feign innocence in this matter. Can also be used as a gerund e.g. ‘stepping’. See next entry.

Step Jambu [se-tep jam-boo] adjective - What minahs do when they are sitting alone in a train and a group of mats walk in. It is a general exercise where the minah ‘controls’ her facial muscles and posture in a way that would make her look her best. This would usually involve looking incessantly at her handphone for no particular reason.

Stoppit [setop-eet] adjective – A general expression of intolerance and dismay. When a minah uses this phrase, be very careful for it signals that she is about to lose her cool or get very violent.

Usually directed by minahs in an annoyed manner, followed by the postfix ‘seh’, ‘siak’ or ‘sial’. (See entry for ‘sial’ above) Eg: Apasal ngan perangai kau hari ni? Stopitsiak! Transalation : What’s up with your attitude today? Enough of it already for goodness’ sake!’

You’ve just learnt something new today, ladies and gentlemen.
 
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