The Human Race is Doomed!
In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet-mounted mirror used by US cyclists: - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink: AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING,
ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END..
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
(And that would be how?)
13. On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late! You lose!)
14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let’s experiment.)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE…
(Now I’m curious.)
18. On Sainsbury’s peanuts -WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
(No, really?)
19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I’m glad they cleared that up.)
20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
21. On a child’s superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
(That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
26. On Nytol sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
(Duh!)
My MIDI keyboard is damaged again, two months after I last sent it for servicing for the same problems. The contacts for two of the keys have gone kaput. Thankfully they are not ‘strategically’ located keys, and I can still make do with the keyboard by switching the transpose buttons.
Probably my touch is unsuited for it. The keyboard is supposed to be sensitive such that fine motion suffices to coax varying velocities. However while playing the role of other instrumentalists (while sequencing I take on the roles of keyboardist, brass player, wind player, string player and drummer) – so you can imagine how I slam the keyboard while sequencing instruments such as percussion, especially where there are loud and wrecking passages of music.
I think I’m going to send it for repair where I can and then try to sell it off. I think M Audio’s Keystation 49e suits me better – the keys are harder and more inert and therefore less prone to damage like my current one (Edirol PCR-80). So hopefully somebody with a more delicate touch would like to buy my controller? Don’t worry I’ll get the malfunctioned contacts fixed first.
Danish Citizen Responds to MM Lee’s ‘Mediocre Government’ Comment
http://www.mrbiao.com/blog/danish-citizen-responds-to-mm-lees-mediocre-government-comment.html
I am so disappointed with MM. Kudos to his vision in bringing Singapore to where it is, but that doesn’t prove the right to run down other people. This is not the first time others have been snubbed by MM.
GOOD GRIEF!
My paper is at 9.00am, and I wake up at 9:02am.
I pace around the house, muttering, “Shit! Shit! Shit!” and wondering if I should go for the exam, or simply go on MC (medical certificate). But then I realise that I do not know how they will calculate my score for the semester if I miss this examination. What I DO know is that there is no re-examination even if you have a valid reason for non-attendance.
Anyway it’s just five-minutes past the start of the paper. I still have time to make it.
So I change and dash out of the house. Thankfully I packed my bag the night before.
By cab, I arrive at the examination hall within half an hour. I have one-and-a-half hours to answer three essay questions, which I think still isn’t too bad.
But in my anxiety I fail to settle down properly. The questions seem to be playing tricks on my eyes. I feel pressurised to start writing without decently-detailed planning because I am running out of time. As with all essays I tend to scribble down points that I reference to while writing the prose proper. This time I am even having trouble jotting down the points – it becomes horrifically messy and disorganised and possibly unfocussed. Ah, what the hell. Just WHACK.
During the exam my mucus problem works up again and I make a mess of it trying to be gung-ho and pretending that I can clog it in my nose until the exam is over. I do not want to go to the toilet because I’d waste precious time doing that. But the damn goo outsmarts my body capabilities and out it flows – DAMN YOU! I have no tissue with me at the exam table. I surrender and go to the toilet to blow the whole damn thing out once and for all so I can finish the paper in peace.
The sets, costumes and ensemble work are marvellous and breathtaking! You will not be disappointed.
Adapted from the book of Esther from the Bible.
One Night Stand charts the life of an ordinary girl of exceptional beauty who is taken to be Queen. While initially uncertain about her purpose in life, she soon finds herself in the position to save her entire tribe from certain as plotted by one of the King’s right-hand man, Haman.
Will she stand up for her people even if her life depends on it?
One night stand is a tongue-in-cheek drama with that all-familiar Bollywood glamour.
Come mingle with the villagers and enjoy Indian treats like tea, crackers and sweets. It’s a play for all your senses, for all those sensible enough for a good time!
Hurry now and don’t wait.
Get your tickets and make your one night stand!
---Details---
Date: 20-21 April 2007
Time: 7:30pm each evening
Venue: Calvary Assembly of God Church (490, Upper East Coast Road)
Tickets: $5 each
Please contact Nelson at 92969550 or Dwayne at 91858134 for ticketing information
Before I can open my mouth, he says: “Quick, get in!”
I obey, and before I can give him my destination he drives off, swerving to the second lane away from the kerb. And then he asks me where I want to go.
He explains that I am standing by a bus lane. He is prohibited from manoeuvring into the lane because he might be summoned. He told me he had checked his surroundings, ensuring there was no traffic policeman standing around with a telescopic device to capture the license plates of offenders, before he made the decision to pick me up from my waiting location. That explains the sharp turns towards and away from the kerb.
This means that I might not even have the chance to flag down a cab because none would take the risk of entering the restricted area. Either they get business, or if they’re unlucky enough they pick up a customer and get away with a fine as well. And that is the driver’s sentiments. It’s a gamble of either earning his wages, or losing $130 to the state.
This reveals ironies in transport planning and state jurisdiction. While making bus services more efficient – they have their own specialised ‘lanes’ and hence avoid getting into a jam – the situation is made difficult for the cabbies. People take taxis because they are able to hail them anywhere they wish without the inconvenience of walking to a bus-stop or train station, and the taxis can similarly drop them where they wish without the hassle of changing transport midway, like buses and trains that run on fixed routes. The taxi is flexible. However this flexibility is hampered by denying taxis legal entry to enter bus lanes in order to pick up passengers, on the accusation that taxis block the path of the buses and becomes an obstacle in their travel. Yes, taxis do block the way while passengers fumble for money to pay for their trips, but I think through some common sense and consideration the occupants of the taxi could be more aware of their surroundings when it comes to choosing a place to disembark? Of course one should not go be the silly fool to ask the driver to stop in front of a stationary bus and hence block his path. Otherwise I do not see a problem, especially for boarding passengers – it’s a matter of getting on – the driver can set off while the destination is being given and the preferred route debated. It is ridiculous to limit taxi-boarding and alighting to taxi-stands: how many taxi stands can there possibly be? And the purpose for taxis is defeated if customers are forced to get on and off at designated stands!
There is some kind of loophole when it comes to such planning. The bus lane restriction is good for the buses and their passengers. Have other implications been considered? We do not know if the taxi drivers have feedback to their company about their difficulties. If anything transport planning ought to be more flexible about this, given that taxis are public transport and not merely cars. Taxi drivers need to earn their wages too. Some exceptions could be made for taxi drivers to pick up their passengers more easily without too much deviation from the original purpose of the bus lane.
Have there been considerations for working conditions? The job environment is a consequential factor in mapping a career path. It depends very much on the personality of the worker. Does he/she seek more transparency and flexibility? What kinds of privileges does he/she expect in return? How great is the support of the employer for the worker’s endeavours? If the job experience is unfulfilling, the worker will probably not resist the monetary rewards to be repeated from the job. We have heard of people who quit their well-paying jobs for something else that they prefer and show zest in, haven’t we? Money is not everything. If the working climate in the civil service is apt and appealing, I am sure the public sector will be equally as competitive on the job market as the private sector.
With regards to the way the intentions for pay-rise have been announced and the backlash it is handling, it shows a lack of empathy for the public. It has not done well to promote the party as a “people’s party” as its name stands. With increasing affluence the party seems to have forgotten the cause of its existence and that historically its achievements sought to help a wide range of society as much as possible. Recall that the PAP reached out to the Chinese-educated where the British and the local English-educated political group neglected them and even made moves to marginalise them. It is crucial to be sensitive about timing, and to be transparent and ready to admit mistakes, rather than aggressively defend itself against increasing public outcry, which seems to suggest: “I want it my way, don’t you dare take it from me!”
